We thought the first care home we found for Nan was absolutely perfect. It was a second home from home, a large double fronted end terrace, where the aroma of lamb dinners whafted through the door as you walked in. It was immaculately clean, the staff were friendly and there was such a calmness to it. That was, until Gladys arrived. You see, she was in the midst of her 'argumentative phase', although if you ask my Mum Lyn, she'd have told you it was a phase she'd been in for 80 odd years!
Many families I deal with, just like us find this phase the hardest to cope with. It's the one where an individual will use every physical and verbal power that they have left, to tell you that they are frustrated and unhappy. Although they don't know exactly where they do want to be, they know it isn't here. This is the point Nan was at, after booking her into what we thought, was the most perfect home for her. How wrong we were.
Looking back, they key is right there in that sentence: "what we thought". It was perfect for us but Nan had other ideas. Within the first week, she had literally shook the front door off its hinges and walked across one of Manchester's busiest roads, in her nightie and scarf and walked into the bank asking politely for her money. Luckily for us, the banking staff were wonderful. They made her a cup of tea and called the police, who very quickly matched her up with the frantic care home staff that were walking the streets looking for her. The home was far from perfect for Nan, as it couldn't keep her safe.
These next five points are what we've learned over the years and hopefully will help you choose the right care home for your loved one:
1) Location, Location, Location
The biggest mistake that can often be made is the location of the care home. If your relative needs care and they have always lived in the countryside, where it's quite and they can hear the birds & see the trees change colour over the seasons - whatever you do, don't put them in a busy care home, with it's own cafe, nestling in a suburban area! No matter how lovely it would be for you all to sit down in the cafe with a Latte. Think how it would be for them to live there and what they would miss.
2) Losing my Religion
"88% of the UK population aged 65 state their religion as Christian" [source: Age UK Later Life in the United Kingdom] To so many of our clients, their faith is very important to them and always has been. Why should this be any different just because they need care or have been diagnosed with dementia. On many occasions we have seen people who may not remember their own relatives names, come to life in church and sing beautifully to every hymm, not missing out one word. Faith gives people familiarity and comfort - no matter what your church, mosque or temple looks like.
If the care home you have found ticks every box except the religious one, then arrange with the family or an external care agency to take your relative to a regular service, if possible.
3) Safety First
We know from first hand experience how important it is to keep our loved ones safe in their most frustrated hours. When looking around a care home, ask them how they deal with unsettled residents and what their security measures are for keeping residents who wander safe from harm.
Ask them how they deal with erratic residents who may become violent. Whether or not your relative falls into this category, you need to know, incase they could be unwitting victims of unintended violence.
4) Girls just want to have fun, but so do the Guys!!
The latest statistics from Age UK say that there are almost three women to every man who lives in care. This is plain to see from the number of bingo nights and hairdressing salons I see in care homes these days. Which is great if you're a woman! Spare a thought if you are one of the hundreds of families looking for a care home for a relative who is a man! What is there for him to do?
We know of a care home near to us that has an old Morris Minor that encourages its gents to tinker to their hearts content and are driven to the pub on a Saturday to watch their favourite football team play. Hobbies do matter so make sure you ask what there is for the men to do. Boredom can lead to frustration which in turn, can turn to problematic behaviour, so don't be afraid to ask about events and activities.
5) Food Glorious Food!
As much as my generation loves variety and food from all over the world, neither of my grand-parents shared this enthusiasm and hated garlic with a passion. Don't forget to take into account what food is on offer at your care home of choice. A number of care homes I've been to, invite the families to join them for lunch so they can sample the food themselves and see how everyone is treated first hand.
If your relative is a fussy eater and likes only plain traditional food, then ask the care home if they can make sure this is known, as it can cause upset at meal times if they get it wrong. Something as simple as knowing that someone likes toast in the morning and not cereal, (like my lovely grand-dad) can make the world of difference.
If your relative has always liked a brandy before bed, or a gin & tonic at meal times, make sure that the care home allows alcohol and will allow it's consumption, in moderation of course.
I hope these tips have helped and by all means, if you have any others that can add to the list, please add them to the comments below and post a link to your blog - we'll make sure to share it!
About Liz Faye
Liz Faye is the Founder and Head of Care Services at Carepal Assist Limited
for further details go to: www.carepal.org
or call on 0800 6891000
Showing posts with label All About dementia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label All About dementia. Show all posts
Saturday, 17 October 2015
Saturday, 9 November 2013
When words aren't enough
Many of us will have known somebody who has some form of dementia but very little is known about how to communicate effectively with those who suffer from it. Granted, there are different types of dementia, but again, this is a little known fact. The best explanation as to how to understand dementia better, came from a talk I attended, given by Pat Pope from All About Dementia. http://www.allaboutdementia.co.uk/ In all the years I have been working in this sector, Pat is by far the most informatative, knowledgeable person on the subject of dementia I have ever met.
She describes dementia as an "umbrella term" and each form of it, Alzhiemer's, Lewy body's, Frontal Lobal comes under the umbrella. Each type presents itself differently and so it is essential to establish a diagnosis of more than "you have dementia" so you can learn how to communicate effectively with your loved ones, when words aren't enough.
Pat is the person responsible for making the last few months with my Nan, who had Alzheimers, so special. Unbeknown to Pat, she has also helped many of our clients and their families, through the information we have passed on. We tell each of them about Pat and her company and I hope that our paths will cross again soon, as she is also a delight to be around.
We see many families who are often dealing with big emotions such as guilt and sorrow, but what causes them just as much pain and anquish is the frustration at no longer being able to communicate with their relative. As you may have read previously, what worked really well for our family, was living in Nan's world whilst we were with her. Not getting upset when she mentioned other members of our family who we had loved and lost. It became quite cathartic in a way. Talking about people who we'd lost as though they were still around. It brought them back in a way, albeit for a short time. We'd sit talking about what they were doing as opposed to what they had done. It made all of us smile and it helped Nan communicate with us and smile back.
That is another thing Pat taught me - a smile is Universal and shows that you are non-threatening. I visit many care homes in my line of work and there is nothing more noticable than how contagious a smile is and how much better you feel after forcing yourself to smile. We have had a tough year as a family, losing not only Nan but a wonderful cousin and friend to cancer. During this time, it was hard to go into work and looking back, on some days I don't know how I did it. I do know that on some of the worst days, when I just wanted to hide away and sink into my own grief, I walked into a couple of care homes with a very heavy heart. Putting into practice what Pat had taught me, I put on my best smile and walked inside, thinking how on earth I was going to keep this up for more than a minute. Yet my smiles were immediately reciprocated and one lady even took my hands in hers and kissed them!! She then started clapping, her beautiful blue eyes never leaving mine! My heart wanted to burst with the affection this stranger, who could no longer speak, showed to me and this type of thing happened over a number of visits to similar homes. It seems that it is true. There are no words that can lessen your grief, but the affection shown to me by those without words, undoubtedly helped and I will be forever grateful.
She describes dementia as an "umbrella term" and each form of it, Alzhiemer's, Lewy body's, Frontal Lobal comes under the umbrella. Each type presents itself differently and so it is essential to establish a diagnosis of more than "you have dementia" so you can learn how to communicate effectively with your loved ones, when words aren't enough.
Pat is the person responsible for making the last few months with my Nan, who had Alzheimers, so special. Unbeknown to Pat, she has also helped many of our clients and their families, through the information we have passed on. We tell each of them about Pat and her company and I hope that our paths will cross again soon, as she is also a delight to be around.
We see many families who are often dealing with big emotions such as guilt and sorrow, but what causes them just as much pain and anquish is the frustration at no longer being able to communicate with their relative. As you may have read previously, what worked really well for our family, was living in Nan's world whilst we were with her. Not getting upset when she mentioned other members of our family who we had loved and lost. It became quite cathartic in a way. Talking about people who we'd lost as though they were still around. It brought them back in a way, albeit for a short time. We'd sit talking about what they were doing as opposed to what they had done. It made all of us smile and it helped Nan communicate with us and smile back.
That is another thing Pat taught me - a smile is Universal and shows that you are non-threatening. I visit many care homes in my line of work and there is nothing more noticable than how contagious a smile is and how much better you feel after forcing yourself to smile. We have had a tough year as a family, losing not only Nan but a wonderful cousin and friend to cancer. During this time, it was hard to go into work and looking back, on some days I don't know how I did it. I do know that on some of the worst days, when I just wanted to hide away and sink into my own grief, I walked into a couple of care homes with a very heavy heart. Putting into practice what Pat had taught me, I put on my best smile and walked inside, thinking how on earth I was going to keep this up for more than a minute. Yet my smiles were immediately reciprocated and one lady even took my hands in hers and kissed them!! She then started clapping, her beautiful blue eyes never leaving mine! My heart wanted to burst with the affection this stranger, who could no longer speak, showed to me and this type of thing happened over a number of visits to similar homes. It seems that it is true. There are no words that can lessen your grief, but the affection shown to me by those without words, undoubtedly helped and I will be forever grateful.
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